Opinions vary on whether Michael Savage is a vain blowhard or a pompous fraud. The man brags incessantly about his purported accomplishments as a nutritionist, a journalist and a linguist, among dozens of other examples of demonstrable puffery. He is particularly proud of his skill as a writer.

And yet, any modestly educated listener would be compelled to reach an obvious and inescapable conclusion: Michael Savage doesn't write his own books. (We'll call this our "opinion," since we can't prove it, but you don't exactly need the cast of CSI to crack this case.)

Yes, Michael Savage (aka "Michael Weiner") must use a ghost writer. (His insatiable black hole of an ego being what it is, he probably refers to this person as his "editor.") There's no crime in using a ghost writer, of course. But this Savage Weiner is such an insufferable braggart when it comes to the frequent topic of his beautiful writing ability, it's downright unseemly for him to use one.

Curiously, anyone who listens to Savage for a couple of minutes is treated to a dizzying assortment of malapropisms, mispronunciations and tortured syntax. This kind of cruel display frequently occurs when Savage tries to read from "his own words." Just last week (on Tuesday, March 7, 2006, actually), Savage attempted to slog through a passage from "Liberalism is a Mental Disorder." As usual, he stumbled over the words like Siamese triplets in a potato sack race.

When he came upon the word "indefatigable," Savage seemed to struggle to grasp its meaning, laboring over the syllables nervously. Finally, something like "in-dee...fa-tee-gable" poured awkwardly out of his mouth in a gruesome verbal train wreck.

The next victim was the term "sobriquet," but this time this great American would not be caught flat-footed by an intimidating word--especially not a French one. And so he uttered it quickly and with an insouciance intended to suggest that the word was familiar and comfortable, like a favorite pair of calfskin gloves. It came out something like "sobri-kwette"... as in "towlette." He plainly had no idea what it meant, but he tried to play it off.

Pretty hard to believe Savage handpicked those words for inclusion in his book when he could scarcely pronounce them.

Look, I'm not trying to be a dick. I'm sure Savage's schtick is basically his own, and he is not without talent as a bombthrower and source of entertainment. Between hours of self-congratulation, self-pity and self-indulgence, Savage can actually be thought-provoking and funny (in a Borscht-belt Archie Bunker sort of idiom). But if a guy is going to spend literally hours on end trying to mesmerize his listeners into believing that he is some kind of impeccably erudite intellectual so that they swallow his ideas whole, without bothering to chew on them, well... somebody needs to call him on it.

Since his screeners rarely permit anyone who is not an abject suck-ass on the show, I don't see that happening any time soon.